Why did the first fence hated the other fence? The second fence used some of-fensive language.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
A man had moved to a new contry with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there telling he wanted his dog to be groomed. The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours" so the man left and came back a couple hours later when he asked about his dog he was given a box of jerky he found out "happy dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
I'm friends with only 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
Q: What's a German's favorite Undertale character?
A: Gaster.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German.
A man found out that he was going to die. A German doctor comes in and says “you have 10 more”. The man yells out “10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!”. And the doctor says ”No seconds” and the man says “9 SECONDS!!!” And the doctor says “Nine Ten Seconds” He asked “How many seconds do i have to live 10,9 , or..........” Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Did you know that ASL is a dead language? Yeah, nobody speaks it.
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
A German went to France for a holiday and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
