Kick jokes
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?
She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.