it's jokes

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.

Why was the first orphan phone an iPhone X?

Because it doesn't have a home button.

What does the F in orphan stand for?

FAMILY 😭😭

*IT'S DEPRESSING THIS PAGE EXISTS*

Your hairline is so old, it’s more wrinkled than my great grandpa's penis.

If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.

Abortion isn't murder.

It's backspacing a typo.

Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.

Your mama is so ugly that when she stood on the scale, it said "to be continued."

Your hairline recedes so far back that it defends your forehead.

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF file.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...

It don't moan when u put milk inside.

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?

Murder.

Why do orphans go to church?

It's the only place where they can call someone "father."

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Half of it. 🐛