Two Chinese men walk into a bar.
"Owwwwwwwwwww," they say instead of "ouch."
Instead of Obama, it was supposed to be Osama. Pretending I got their names mixed up.
You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.
The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books.. Instead they got dozens of Magazines.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Why do Indian people have bad tempers? Because when they were growing up, their parents told them they couldn't have a cow, so they threw a tantrum instead.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Bros chin looks like from that movie cartoon named kronk no wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain but instead it grew longer
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five but instead, he ended up hanging
More cops died from covid than anything else last year hahahaha
They should have shot covid instead of Tyrone on the microphone lmfao
I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
Beating the Akatsuki is easy... Naruto should've used painkillers instead. :)
Your mom is just like Rapunzel, but instead of letting down her hair, she lets everyone down! OHHHHH!
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
You are so fat that the waiter said to you everytime: 'sorry for your weight' instead of 'sorry for the wait'
Don't break girls hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Not a joke but still dc
