Howe jokes
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
How can you tell if Google is a girl?
It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
I couldn’t quite remember how to catch a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
How do you get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.