How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
How many thumbs down can this joke get?
Joke: Runescape, mustard, tits, Pamela Anderson.
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
How many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh?
Ten tickles
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
