Howe jokes
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
A man attacked me with cheese and milk. How dairy!
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
There was a power outage.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
She closes the car door.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? Nine.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a power cut.
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!