Household object jokes

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!

I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.

What do women and appliances have in common?

If they don't work, hit them until they work.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.