Household object jokes

What do women and appliances have in common?

If they don't work, hit them until they work.

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.

Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!

The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"

Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?