Household object jokes

What do women and appliances have in common?

If they don't work, hit them until they work.

I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.

Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"