Hes jokes

A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?

Push?! He fell...

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?

He always needs a hand.

The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

Why can't Jesus judge gay people?

He got nailed right before he died.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!

Why did the man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.

I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)