Heaven jokes
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.