GUI Jokes

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You guys should know your limits."

Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1."Hang" out with me Or 2."Jump" 1 times? Me...e-eh?...Why not both?????we could just "Jump while "Hanging" out right?

What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target? The drone guy didn't know either.

“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks "What's so magical about it?" the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.

The bartender shakes his head, and says.

"Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk superman.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

We really should erect a statue of the guy who killed Hitler.

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”

What did a cannibal have as his last meal?

Five guys.

There's four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says "this is for my people" and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says "this is for my people" and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says "this is for my people" and pushes the white guy off.

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well he’s all right now!

guy spills milk on a me i say " it's OK we all make mistakes sometimes but apparently your mom made a big one

A drunk walks into and says, "All lawyers are a$$holes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an a$$hole!"

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

No?

They both got six months.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane, and his buddy says "well did you jump?"the guy says yeah, a little at first.