Newest Ground Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die. "After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families." This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio. "There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers". Some of the tribal members begin walking by displaying various implements of war and death. The first explorer chose a crusty looking musket. Thankfully the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss. The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat. Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen. The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought. After a few moments the chieftain, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..." "Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted? Baffled the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink. When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear. Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink. Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..." Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso nib first again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle. Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word. "But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked. Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside.

Dad: boy Come sit in this hole while I brace the ground Boy: I don't want to see grandpa he scares me

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee, his dad sees this and says "i saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies "i don't care, i don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says " i saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little johnny replies "I don't care, i don't like butter anyway." Both little johnny and his dad go in for dinner, johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. little johnny looks and smiles and says "do you want to tell her or should i?"

LITTLE JOHNNY WAS AT HOME AND THEN HE WENT TO HIS GRANDMA'S HOUSEHE WENT THERE TO CUSS SO HE WOULDN'T GET IN TROUBLE. AND SECRETLY GRANDMA CALLED HIS MOMMA TO COME PICK HIM UP. MOMMA ASK WHAT LITTLE JOHNNY DID AND SHE SAID HE CUSSED AND CUSSED AND CUSSED. GRANNY HAD ENOUGH AND CALLED MOM AGAIN MOMMA SAID LITTLE JOHNNY WAS GROUNDED FOR 2 WEEKS AND LITTLE JOHNNY CUSSED SOME MORE NOW HE GROUNDED FOR 3 WEEKS

Why did the midgets laugh when they run?

Because there balls dragged along the ground.😅😂🤣

Momma's House-By-watersharky Productions and Dustin Lynch- I see your face on every street, every corner, couple trees Even got her name on 'em I feel your love, I hear your laugh, got them take me way on back Hurt me memories, I don't want 'em Up and down the boulevard In and out of every bar I'd burn this whole town down Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground Baby, I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house I would start it where we started, at the downtown party Where you kissed my lips and stole my beer The city park in the dark where we looked up at the stars Watched them fireworks pop last year It started under that Texaco sign where you said goodbye I'd get some gas and drop a match right there I'd burn this whole town down Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground Baby, I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Fire red flames, sunsets in the sky Going out, staying in, staying up long nights Now I'm waking up alone, wishing I could move on Blocked your number in my phone, thought it help but it don't I'd burn this whole town down Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground Baby, I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house

What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?

The low ground

Hey guys im back I was grounded by my grandfather so yea.

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground. Terrified, he dials 911 and says “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead. The hunter replies, “Ok I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks “Anything else?” The nurse says “Nope. That’s it.”

Gregg says to his friend which is a girl and Says" hey umm do you umm want to do something?" And the girl says" umm sure why not." Gregg says" well then we have to go somewhere secretive." the girl says " umm well ok." Gregg says "great" So Gregg bring Sally to a tree so no one can see them and then Sally says "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?" Gregg says "well pull down your pants and all show ya" Sally says "ok it sounds fun" And then gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy and he goes up and down up and down up and down and then Sally starts to moan more and more and then suddenly a teacher here's her moan and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing and then the teacher gets in on it and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher and then the teacher moans and then the whole school makes their own sex groups and the whole school has threesomes... THE END

What hits the ground first the feather or the emo?

The feather because the emo is hung in the tree

why did the ground crack because of your mum

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map, it took me ages to finish it. But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground and it's done.

(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

This video is got me on the ground 😂😂Https://youtu.be/7AdpKigXyyA

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize your in a crematorium.

the teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make mooo said sally good job said the teacher what sound does a sheep make baa said jack good now what sound does a pig make little johnny raised his hand really high in the sky the teacher called him he said the pig says get on the ground and put ur hands on ur head u black moterfucker

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Super Power Beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage what so ever. He walks back into the bar.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof —and falls 15 stories to the ground. Splat. The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”