Grandma Jokes

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."

what’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer,and a poor kids parents getting ran over by military tractors?When grandma got ran over by a reindeer,the kids actually gave a shit.

i remeber my grandma last words what are you doing with that axe

Your dick is as flat as your grandma’s heartrate

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die. What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family even grandma.

I had recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

Knock knock "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."

Nah it's a penis.

Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandmas dead

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

I was eating this girl out the other night and I tasted horse semen so I said to her "oh that's how you died grandma."

Kid: but mom I don’t want to see grandma Mom: shut up and keep digging

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.