My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him but and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
Whats the only good thing about being an orphan? All snacks are family sized!
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing but when i the it people just looked horrified.
Know what a 6.9 is? Another good thing screwed up by a period.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments
What’s one good thing about child Molesters? They drive slow in a school zone
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student, and still get all the D's.
My dad told me i'm a failure... I failed a math's test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can? Good thing it was a "Soft" drink
I saw a dad shaved his daughters head because she made fun of a woman with cancer. Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant women🤭
Q. What’s a good thing about a child molesters A. They drive slow through school zones
I hate these double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and your doing a good thing, burn a body at home and your destroying evidence
Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it.
You know having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
friend: how's it going? me: good, things are good! parent: how are you? me: oh I'm fine! Twitter: compose new tweet? me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
