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What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked up.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
Why didn't Biden get the virus?
He sniffed everyone!
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to skull.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.
The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.