I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the latter?"
The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma. Why is that man in a box?" and she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "WHAT KIND OF BOX DID HE LIVE IN BEFORE?! HOW IS THIS BOX BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE?! IT'S JUST A BOX!" And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
before i die ima ask to be cremated. then ima eat a buncha popcorn kernels. then ill die, and get cremated. BOOM! im popcorn.
I was at a funeral and told a joke and my sister said “I’m dead” so I said “that’s what she said.”
Little Johnny died
My dad told me a story today his mom my grandma said if a bird gets in ur house someone will die . That day a humming bird got in his U.P.S truck and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later she died .😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
When you at a funeral and you laugh at the body...everyone stares and one person said isn ́t that your mom......?
I was making sandcastles with my Nan then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Grandpa's last words,why do you have a chain saw
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex.
She was too young.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
Haha Dead
Why cant orphans have a funeral? Because their parents wont be there
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said “Of corpse”!
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off. Customer: Okay? What's the catch. That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry. Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it's is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
After I am dead during my funeral service I want some one to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club " Church of the Poison Mind"
Knock Knock “who’s there” not your dad
Teacher: We have new student today class, come introduce yourself. Student: my name is Buttitches Teacher: Please tell us your real name. Student: Buttitches. Teacher: I’m calling the police. Police: son please tell me your real name or I’m going to shot you. Student: Buttitches. Police: shots gun... A few days the police goes to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying the mom says my buttitces the police says we’ll scratch it lady
what does a necrophiliac get at a wedding? mourning wood
