Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up? Kid 1: I want to be a fire fighter kid 2: I want to be a police officer kid 3: i want to be dead like both my parents Teacher: ok everyone pull out your books Kid 4: are we going to ignore what he said? Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
911 I JUST CRASHED MY CAR I THINK ITS BURNING I CAN'T SEE IT HURTS TO BREATHE
Are you a fire alarm because your loud and annoying
When you name yourself twin towers and Terrorist in Kahoot:
Twin towers is on fire🔥
Terrorist is on a streak of 2
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it fnaf lore.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! please help, please help!"
I got fired for not doing enough work Guess I didn’t put enough back-bone into it
What do you call a guy in a well chair that walks into a fire
Hot weels
How to commit arson 1. Burn down an orphanage
A catholic school is burning down, one of the priest says: 'SAVE THE CHILDREN, SAVE THEM', an another priest says: F*CK THE CHILDREN, we're gonna die!! The last priest is like: hmmm... do we have time?
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. 24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back. 31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
what did the fox say to the fire You look hot
I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
Are you the Lusitania cos i wanna fire a torpedo into you
I was told to burn calories so I threw your mom in the fire.
What do you call California during a forest fire?
Completely normal
Why can’t the anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke? : because every time she sang the line “fire away” some one starting shooting!
I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
during the great war:
*a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.* He says:"You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *he didn't stop firing*
