Family jokes
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
I'm an orphan, so kidnap me.
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?
One of them is used.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
They come back.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
You're so ugly, your mother thought about setting you up for adoption.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"