Elementary School jokes

Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?

Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?

The class divides.

Where do pedophiles go hunting?

Elementary schools.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Why don't the giraffes go to elementary school? Because they are already in high school.

There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.

There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.

like this if you don't like school.

A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

A teacher asked his students a math question.

"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"

After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

"One dollar!" she said.

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.