Domestic situation jokes

Kid: Dad, where are you going?

Dad: To get milk.

TEN YEARS LATER

Kid's friend: Where's your dad?

Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.