How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Domestic Animal Jokes
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to a chicken.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
What is a dog?
A pet.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
What sound do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
Meow.
