Domestic Animal jokes
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
What is a dog?
A pet.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to a chicken.
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Meow meow meow meow :p
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."