Do jokes
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Memes
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! ππππ
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they actually have a father there.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
... family photo.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.