When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
