Die

Die jokes

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

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    • What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

    While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

    (Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

    (Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

    (Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

    (Kid) Quit what?

    (Bus Driver) Living.

    (Kid) But it was a joke!

    (Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

    (Kid) Ok.

    (Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

    Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

    A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

    When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

    God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

  • 1

    • I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

    My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

    One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

    Why did Stephen Hawking die?

    Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.