Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
Where is a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
What do you call a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
