Deal with jokes

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.

Because I hate dealing with parents.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?

They don't have water.

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?

Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.

Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?

Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Leo is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads her, but we're forced to deal with her anyway.

What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?

You can't even deal with it!

What do girls and toilet roll have in common?

They both deal with a lot of crap.

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

Why did the ass go to therapy?

It couldn't deal with all the crap.

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!