Crisis jokes
Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 馃暫
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Jesus is fake,
He hides from himself.
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I鈥檓 jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I鈥檓 taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That鈥檚 ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
Ahh, the coronavirus!
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.