I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
God's consciousness: Art.
God's unconsciousness: Christianity.
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
My day started out great until I woke up.
What question can you never answer yes to?
Answer: Are you asleep yet?
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
