Childcare jokes
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.
God, orphanages are fun to work at!!
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...
What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?
My donation to the orphanage :)
Bully: *Bullies kid*
Orphan: Stop!! *Cries*
Bully: What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?? XD
Orphan: :/
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
I'm sweating like Michael Jackson at a kindergarten.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).