Cant jokes
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.
Why can't Asians make a white baby?
Cause two wongs don't make a white.
Q: What's yellow and can't swim?
A: A school bus full of children.
What kind of pizza can't an orphan order?
Familiar pizza.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.
Dark jokes aren't funny... I can't see them at all.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ... so Trump can't tweet it.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to, lmao.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips? Parent Signature: _______
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
What's worse than depression & suicide?
Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.
Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.