Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"
The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"
The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."
They ask who, "The President?"
"No, more important."
"The president of another country?"
"No, more important."
"An ambassador?"
"No, even more important."
"Well, who is it?"
"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
What's still together after all the sh*t they've been through? Your butt cheeks.
What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.
I think I need to kiss your butt.
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
Whats one plus one
Yo mama
Why did the chicken cross the road? He had to finish his essay, or the teacher was gonna whoop his fat butt cheeks!
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Butt hehe.
Your forehead is so big, you look like Megamind but with no superpower, just a big forehead!
Why was the chicken screaming?
He had an egg stuck in his butt.
