Both jokes
What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
Not a joke but I hope the ones who are making jokes about Mexicans are Mexican themselves, lmao, cuz if you're not, uh... I think we both know what you are. 😟
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
Sex has no feeling with our cousin. Because both are relative.
Orphans and punching bags are almost the same.
They both get hit, but a punching bag is still wanted.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
What do 9/11 and Covid-19 both have in common?
Asians caused them both!
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
What's the difference between a low tide and your hairline?
Nothing, they're both receding.
Why are Spider-Man and an orphan so similar?
They both have "No Way Home."
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
What do emo kids and bananas have in common?
They both hang on trees.
What do an orphan's parents and Nemo have in common?
They both can't be found.
What’s the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.