Are jokes
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
What flowers are on your face?
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
Memes
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.