And jokes
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Me and my life.
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Memes
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.
A letter to all Math:
Dear Math,
Grow up and solve your own problems!
2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.