Alot Jokes

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.

The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.

My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."

No, a lot's been through you.

🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵

C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

Gotta dive and cry some more.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.

Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

I done a thing where we have chat hangouts with people that like Gwen or just want to hang out, do stuff.

All people are invited!

We have a lot! Enjoy!

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-alot-a-puss.

Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

I don't understand why the Twin Towers were super upset.

Their pizza just got there a lot faster by plane.

How do you scare a lot of people in New York?

Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."

It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.

Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

A hot woman called "Jessie" was showering when the phone rang.

Jessie was upset because the phone wouldn't stop ringing, and she goes out naked from the bathroom to answer the phone in the hall.

Jessie on the phone: 《Hello? 》

The one on the phone: 《Oh hi, I'm Jeff, I just wanted to tell you don't go out from your bathroom naked next time because my brother is behind you right now trying to rape you.》

Jessie: 《Stop it my sister! This is the 10th time you do this cringe joke! It gets boring!》

But sadly it wasn't a joke, and she cried a lot that night and learned how not to go out naked from the bathroom again.