Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
Hailey ❁
*Enter password*
'ScoobyDoo'
"Password must contain special character"
'ScoobyDooFeaturingBatman'
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. 2 of my best friends have it and its actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. Its really not funny to joke about depression.
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled egg
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
What does LMAO mean?
Launching missiles at orphanage
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The colour orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'seperate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, its a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patients mouth?
I C D K
You know what I see?
DICK :0
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A Milkshake.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
So, I don't want anyone taking this the wrong way, people are free to be whatever they feel they are and that's not anyone elses choice.
BUT
I personally have my own feelings on 'pride month and LGTBTQ+'. I feel that it is against the bible and is an abomination to the lord our god. I know plenty of LGTBQ+ people and I respect that. My best friend is bi, and I respect thats how she feels, and I'm glad that she made her choice. But I don't love it when people promote this stuff, because it is what the devil is tricking everyone into doing/being. Falling into the devils act is NOT something you should ever want to do. As a christian, this is not okay in my sense.
As an aussie, I note this: The people who defended Australia get 2 days, rememberance day and Anzac day + 1 minute of silence. Then, the LGBTQ+ community get a whole MONTH where they are told that they are 'special' and 'normal, like everyone else'. Which is really unfair and in a way, biast. I'm only 12, and I have recognised this just from being told at a CATHOLIC school by all the kids in my class that they are either LGBTQ+ or support it.
I know and understand I will get alot of hate from this, but please remember that its just my thoughts and opinion. Thankyou for reading. :)
Literally every movie:
"I love you" "I love u too"
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes u!" Him: "wtf I have a grilfriend sorry not sorry" His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country". 😶
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish", and the Clownfish "Nemo fish" 🤣
I do this too often!!
What is are Russia's favorite netball positions?
Goal Shooter and Wing Attack
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
Like this post if you think pineapple belongs on pizza.
What is an army members top drink?
WARter
What is an astronauts favourite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar