Little Johnny

classmate

one day the teacher said “there are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. how many are left?” the teacher calls on lil johnny. “none” the teacher said ‘‘no but try again’’ lil johnny says " none bc if u shoot one the rest get scared and leave" the teacher said’’ not quiter but i like the way you think" lil johnny then says " alr teacher i have one for you. there are 3 women sitting on a bench, ones sucking it. the other its licking it, and the last on is bitting it. witch one is married?" the teacher then says "the one sucking it ofc" lil johnny then says “no the one with the ring but i like the way you think”

5

Depression

Yeet

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

Wife

Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

German

Anonymous

what do you call a blind german?

a notsee

Offensive

Anonymous

why do dwarfs laugh when they run. the grass tickles their balls.

4

Orphan

Mystery

Why do orphans play GTA?

So they can feel wanted

Wife

Twill

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

Orphan

Anonymous

whats the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked

Log

Anonymous

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

Little Johnny

Anonymous

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

Puns

SweatyMemez

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Orphan

J0K35

What show does an orphan hate?

Family Guy.

4

Sadness

MemeLord344

Its sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as- wild dogs

3

Sadness

Funny 13 yr old

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree

To bad he left him hanging

Give

Chet

Rehab’s for quitters and I don’t give up

3

Puns

Dank puns

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Priest

Anonymous

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

Blue

Vuck u

I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom… Until they are flashing behind you!

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

Riddles

Anonymous

Whats starts with M and end with arriage?

Miscarriage Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child