How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
Worst Jokes Ever
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
What is a disabled person's least favorite song?
"I'm Still Standing."
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.
Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.
Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Saw that shit on Roblox.
Q: Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
Titanic is more bent than a hairline.
A grasshopper tries playing cricket. It failed and got eaten by the bat.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
What did the acute triangle say to the obtuse triangle?
Nothing, triangles can't talk.
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
"Osama bin Laden playing MW2 Air Strike inbound."
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
What do you call an autistic daughter?
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
