What job lets you kill the most people

And abortion doctor

i’m so lonely, even the alphabet says ‘HI’… ‘JK’

My mom told me she couldnt open the garage door. then it opened up to me that is wasnt broke anymore

Oh baby there’s about to be 7 planets because in gonna destroy Uranus

An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can’t reach it so she calls her son for help a few minutes later son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- slips and noose chokes her to death

ahhhhhhhhhh ma bored

What deos a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it Nothing it just lets out a little wine

Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.

Why couldn’t the carrot go to his friend’s house Because he was grounded

An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.

6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?

A. A dino-snore.

Q.Why do Skeletons hate the cold A. It sends chills up there spine

What’s a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

A tromBoner

The first windmill said to the second, “What’s your favorite type of music.” The second windmill said, " I’m a big metal fan."

2 whales went to a bar. The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh. The second whale said, “Greg I think your drunk, let’s go home.”