9 jokes

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.

3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.

7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.

8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.

16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?

What do 9/11 and 911 have in common?

They're twins.

People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.

I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.

So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."

All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.

My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.

If I throw a paper airplane at two twins, did I cause 9/11?

What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?

They're both inside jobs.

I give these jokes a 9/11.

I screamed "Jenga" today when watching the 9/11 documentary.

9 months before I was born,

I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.

USA: "Never forget 9/11."

Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"

What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?

"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.

SpongeBob did 9/11.

1+1=3, just add 9 months.