Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a Fat Man, a whole city disappeared.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
How to tell your kid he's adopted: Son, I'm a virgin.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first?
The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
Dark jokes are like water some people just don't get it
Wife: Hi honey im pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant im dad.
Wife: No your not....
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.” Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...” Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.” Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom..... Until they are flashing behind you!
Your mom is a slow comedian, it took her 9 months to make a good joke
Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills and now they have a son.
1 like=1 more orphan I dropkick
If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
