Worst Jokes Ever
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
What did the Indian say to the fat man?
"Curry up!"
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...