Worst Jokes Ever
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
How can Batman defeat the Joker? A: With a handful of sleeping pills.
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Why couldn't George Floyd become a Demon Slayer?
Because he couldn't breathe.
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What is Mexicans' favorite sport?
Cross-country.
What did the mom say to the twins?
"Go crash a plane!"
Do you think we should ask the orphan's parents' permission?
Wait... nevermind.