Worst Jokes Ever
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
That shirt's very becoming on you.
If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?
Black ops.
What do you call a black guy on the moon?
YOU RACISTS! An astronaut!
Did you know every market in Africa is a black market?
If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.