Worst Jokes Ever
"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas!"
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?
What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.