My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That longer than I'll live.
me: the light wow brighter than my future
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend
Friend: wow thanks, i'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: you're what
People trying too stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT”
imagine if this got over 69 likes wow 🤩 🇫🇷
Timmy: stupid motherfucker Jimmy: wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth Timmy: starts crying Jimmy: ah fuck I did it again
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
wow he stole my antideprresive toy. the next day he was on the ground
Yesterday on the school bus my freind infront of me said she was 41% irish and 15% Mexican then my freind siting next to me said “wow almost half leprechaun” then I said “yeah and 15 percent wall climber”
Wow do you make an orphans hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until there parents come home
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit, he slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.
So two people are on a date and the guy says “wow you are so beautiful” then the girl says “you just want to have sex” then the guy adds “SMART TO!”
Jo mama so fat that when aliens envaded earth they said wow two in one
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and hell must be crowded.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage, and sees Dad smoking a cigarette... He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette??" Dad asks, "Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, No Dad, my dick can't reach my ass"... His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house...
About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage, and sees his Dad drinking a beer... He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer??" Dad asks, "Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, No Dad, my dick can't reach my ass"... His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house...
About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a BIG plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven... His Dad says, "WOW Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies... You think I can have some??" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass??" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, Yes Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass"... Little Johnny says, "Well Dad, you can go FUKC yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"...
my cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and i asked him why and i said cuz you get buttfu@ckd and he said no i get made fun of and i said why cuz you get buttfucked? and he said no terd then i said wow atleast im not the one with real pains in my ass bro
My crushes best friend came up to me and called me my crushes dog 🐕 so then I say wow your an ass for calling me a bich he then looks at me wide eyed and I just walk away.
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can't wait to see it"
So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers"
