đź—Ł: "Stop making suicide jokes! "
"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon"
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
Why does sisters have to be in a relationship because you don’t have to worry about your car
I asked my dad, "are we there yet" and he told me "don't worry son it will be a short ride"
When someone said to an orphan my boyfriend ghosted me the orphan says back don't worry my parents ghosted me 🤣
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh don't worry, mine too!!
I’m gonna jump to my death. Don’t worry. I won’t jump far. Just off this chair here...
Why do an emos parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut them selves
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them,
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom,
well.. um.. i got away
a boy couldnt walk normally because his pants are huge and when he went to school the ppl there made so much jokes about him that he died
ITS NOT TRUE JUST A FAKE JOKE DONT WORRY
My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.But don't worry I think she was just jokinfkuy angvhkjah gkahnvulaunhuaivnhaviuhgfahnvulpu82y5
When I get suicidal everyone worrys I don't know why becasue that is when I'm the happpiest thinking about death
Yesterday i saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so i asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so i let him in my car and said dont worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said i know.
People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes it's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them or even a place to charge them even if they did have 1
Scratches on an icy road and kills or 50 people on the bus and when they get to heaven God feel so bad for them and grants them all one wish the first lady in the line was always worried about her looks so she wish to be beautiful and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to want to wish about so he also wish to be beautiful but this keep on going but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh when he got to God he said God says what’s what is your one wish my son I wish you can make them all ugly again
There's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here. He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he'd paid attention to the sun and thought he'd figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in last. He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right. He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst. He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark. By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he's been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he's close, and that after dark he'll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that'll be all he needs. As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights. Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars. He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they're full of sand. He so thirsty that he can't even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He'd forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn't noticed it the night before because he'd been in his car. He knows the Rule of Threes - three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food - then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. But the desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn't the best situation to be without water. He figures, unless he finds water, this is his last day. He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits a while after spitting that little bit out, to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He's not sure. He'll go a little farther, and if he still doesn't find water, he'll try drinking some of the fluid. Then he has to face his next, harder question - which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do. Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking. As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that - when you stop sweating he knows that means you're in trouble - usually right before heat stroke. He decides that it's time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can't wait any longer - if he passes out, he's dead. He stops in the shade of a large rock, and takes the bottle.
“BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!!!”
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Not a joke but still dc
