Wise Man jokes

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."

Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?

They both had an open mind.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He just couldn't see that well.

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”