Unsuccessful jokes

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...

My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."