Twos jokes
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
Why does USA suck at Clash Royale? They already lost two towers.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.
Memes
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
👱♀️ 👱♂️What is the difference between two blondes and a Libertarian?
A Libertarian hasn't won a presidential election since 1972, and two blondes are too stupid to run in a presidential election.
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.