Theses

Theses jokes

Orphanage

  • A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

    The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

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  • Orphan

  • Whoever is an orphan and wants these to go, or if you just want them to go away, comment down below, or if you can't comment, give it a thumbs up!

    General

  • Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

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  • Condom

  • Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"

    Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"

    Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."

    Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"

    Husband: "Gold, of course!"

    Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."

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  • Orphan

  • Why can orphans give all you people posting all these stupid orphan jokes over and over again a good kick in the face?

    Well, what are you gonna do, tell their parents?

    P.S. Stop posting stupid orphan jokes over and over again.

    Twin Towers

  • I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

    Name

  • There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.

    When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"

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  • Name

  • Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.

    Peter: "Hi Jack."

    Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"

    Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"

    Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"

    Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."

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  • Lockdown

  • Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

    The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

    So the father waited until he’d talked to his son and daughters, and asked if he could talk to his wife alone.

    “Look, I know you and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”

    She started crying. "No, Tommy's the father! I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to happen, but it's been so lonely here without you....I walked in on him jerking off and just couldn't help myself! And Annie's been missing her boyfriend at college, and it....it just sort of got out of hand."

    "It's okay sweetheart, I forgive you. You've been isolated for months, up there."

    She wiped her tears away. "I can't believe how understanding you're being about this. When we get home I'm making you the best steak and lobster you ever had! I know you aren't eating well, I was looking at the bills on Amazon Prime and saw you ordered a 45-pound pail of peanut butter!"

    He looked down under the camera line, under his desk. He wasn't wearing pants, and the family dog was still licking his dick. "These things happen."

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  • School

  • Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...

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  • Baseball

  • Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

    Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

    Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

    Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

    Lady: "Let me do that."

    Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

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  • Gun

  • TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

    Father: Guns cause all these problems!

    Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

    Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

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  • Priest

  • I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

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